Get Your Kids To Purchase TV Time By Reading

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You are probably noticing that your kids who were in school, are now around a lot more.  They may even be getting on your nerves.  You may even be wishing to do this:

However, there are some other things you can get your kids to do during the summer holidays, one that they may be doing very little of. Reading.

The benefits of reading are endless. Being successful at school to being independent in assignments and tasks.

Reading has been loosing ground to media.  You can watch an entire book in 90-120 minutes, instead of spending 90-120 days reading one.  Video games are much more enticing, and so is the internet.  There are a lot more distractions that are easier to chew up time.  So, as a parent you can encourage your children to read.

If your child wants to watch a two hour movie, and play video games for another two; have them read for four hours.  One hour of reading to one hour of TV time or computer time.  Or 30 minutes of reading for every hour.  Find a system that works best for you and your family.

Another way to motivate them to read so that they can watch TV, is to get them books that they like to read, or that you think they will like to read.  If they have read one part in a series of books and really liked it! Get them the other books.

Doing this may help decrease the amount of time spent in front of the TV and computer, or it may not.  But, if enforced, it will increase the amount of time your child spends reading books.

Music & Your Toddler

Music can play an important role in your toddler’s life. Music can be used as a way to sooth your child before bed. It can also be used to dance to.

However, music that we play for our child is just our music being ‘forced’ onto the child. Some children will learn how to change a song on the iPod or CD player, but it is just from a playlist or CD that we have established. Whileit may be fun to dance to a song that you liked growing up, it is much more beneficial to let the child explore sounds.

The other concern, potentially, with the music that we listen to is the lyrics. Toddlers are in sponge mode, absorbing everything. So they may take in a word or two that you may not want them to know.

But also since they are in sponge mode, you can introduce a musical instrument to them! If you have a piano, or some child’s version of it, let them play with it. Watch how they discover sounds. Even pots and pans can prove to be very interesting.

There are lots of child simplified instruments that can be used by your child if they don’t take to something like the piano.

Playing music is a type of ‘therapy’, like art therapy, that can provide stress reduction. It is also a way for your child to express themselves.

Your child may not be the next Beethoven, but they can still explore and have fun playing an instrument. Plus, who knows, maybe your child will grow up to be a musician.

Picture from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How have you used music in your parenting?

Becoming Your Child’s Emotional Coach

There is one thing that men are usually not good with, emotions. We tend to not want to show, display, or express them in public. But we still feel them.

Our children however, have no problem showing, displaying, or expressing their emotions. As a father, we need to be a part of helping our children learn to recognize, label, and control their emotions.

Julie Hanks, of the Wasatch Family Therapy Center, gives us The 5 Steps To Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child.

1. Be aware of your child’s emotions. Your child has emotions, which are inside, and they express them externally in their behaviours. You need to recognize, even though your child may be young, that they do have emotions.
2. Recognize the emotion as an opportunity for teaching. You can empathize and teach your child about the emotion they are feeling. You can acknowledge and accept the emotion, even if it is negative. We can also teach our children how to control and manage their emotions.
3. Listen, empathize, and validate your child’s emotions. Listen with your eyes, ears, mind, and heart to understand what your child is trying to say from their perspective. With your words you can reflect back what you feel your child is trying to say, and help label the emotions.
4. Help your child label their emotions in words they understand. Make sure you label what the child IS feeling not what the SHOULD or OUGHT to be feeling. You can describe their behaviour and attach it to an emotion. Something simple like “When you are crying, I can tell that you are sad”.
5. Help your child come up with ways to manage their emotions. Help your child come up with healthy solutions to help manage and control their emotions. Also to find ways to appropriately express their emotions.

As we become our child’s emotional coach, it will help our child discover and manage their emotions. It will also help us, as fathers, develop a closer relationship with our children.

How has helping your child with their emotions benefited your relationship? Did you parents coach you in your emotions?

Turn Off The TV, and Get Outside!

It is officially Summer Time! However, sometimes it is easier to be inside than outside.

There are a lot more enticements for your children to stay inside. Like the Xbox 360, 500 Channel Digital TV, computer games, Internet, and so on.

Here are some things you can do to help get your children outside.

First, be a barrier to the television. According to tvturnoff.org, we spend, on average, 1023 hours watching television in a year. Enforce a rule where you can only watch TV and play video games for two hours every day. That’s it. Notice the “and”, that’s two hours for both. Maybe then your children will only watch the shows they really want, and play their favourite video games and, therefore, spend less time in front of the TV.

Second, get them to become active. Go outside and play. Enroll your kids in a sports team. Help them get their friends together and play ball, of any kind. Go bike riding. Just do something active outside. Help them make it a weekly event.

Third, get them to read a book. They now have ample time on their hands. Help them find a book they like, and wanted to read but couldn’t during the school year, from the library. Maybe read the Twilight series and see what the hype is all about. Most of all, help keep those brain cells growing.

Fourth, make sure that you have one night a week to spend with as family. Dad, take the lead and arrange this. Your wife will be grateful. Use any night. Just do something you have never done before as a family. Go to a museum. Go bowling or mini golfing. Maybe make a cake together. Go swimming. Play that board game that you got for Christmas and haven’t played since Boxing Day. Do something weekly with your family.

Most of all, enjoy the summer weather, together. Yes, some will have to work, but it can still be done. Let us get out and be active, turn off that TV, read a book, and play a sport, and maybe, just maybe, you will have discovered something new this summer.

World Cup Soccer Family Activities

It’s World Cup Soccer! It is well under way. I received this email chain letter from my father-in-law the other day. As humorous as it is, it is also a statement of how much this tournament singles the father out from the rest of the family.

However, World Cup Soccer can be used as a family learning and bonding experience. It is a great opportunity to learn about the world we live in.

Here are some things that you can do with your children, besides just watching the game:

• Name the Country. Flag recognition is usually easy in North America; however, the rest of the world can be difficult. You can make little flag cut outs, and try to match the country name to the flag.
• Where on the Globe. Go pull out the globe or atlas that is collecting dust. When a game is being played, or about to be played, try to find where they are on the map.
• Learn to say “Hello”. There are 32 countries playing, not all of them speak English. Using the Internet, you can learn to say “Hello” in the competing countries language.
• Family History. Go through your family ancestry with your children, and find out which country, or countries are in your roots, that are playing.
• Make a Craft. Get out the scrap paper, scissors and other stationary items and make a soccer craft. Maybe it is a collage of their favorite team. Maybe they’ll construct their own flag.
• Soccer Snacks. Work together to make a soccer shaped cake, or cookies shaped as countries.
• World foods. Have a complete meal as if you were eating in Chile, or South Africa, or South Korea.

The ideas are endless. These are just some ideas to get you started. This will help make World Cup Soccer a Family event, not just a Daddy event.

What are some things you are doing together as a family?

Speak Dad’s Love Language in Father’s Day Gift Giving

Father’s day is coming up this weekend. If you are a last minute shopper, don’t fall for the advertisements.

Father’s day, like most holidays, has become tremendously commercialized. “Get dad Avatar,” the latest adds go. Or get him a new BBQ, the Kindle, or iPad. Those are great gifts, for a birthday, but not for Father’s Day. Father’s Day is a day to celebrate fatherhood and to show appreciation.

As part of appreciating, it would be good to line up the gift with Dad’s love language.

Words of Affirmation. If this is his dominant love language, Dad would appreciate something like a letter from the children. A letter indicating why you love dad and what he has done for you. He may also just love to hear “I love you” from everyone.

Quality Time. Dad would prefer to spend time together with the family. Whether this is an all together activity, or separate time with each individual will vary by dad. This is to be undivided attention. No iPods, books, or other distractions.

Receiving Gifts. This doesn’t mean that Dad wants Avatar as a gift for Father’s Day. It is the thought behind the gift, not the price tag. So if you want to get Dad a movie, get him something he can watch with the kids. But it can also be a creative gift, like crafts from the kids. Again, just to emphasize, this is not as much about what the gift is as it is about the effort, thought and love put into it.

Physical Touch. A hug from all the family members could do wonders for Dad. If you go for a walk, hold hands. Throughout the day, touch Dad on the arm, and look him in the eye and tell him you love him.

Acts of Service. Those little ‘coupons’ with ‘bed made daily for a week’, or ‘one free car wash’ would be right up dad’s alley. Of course, those coupons need to be followed through. Maybe there is a spot in the home that dad just hasn’t organized, do that for him. Something else to do is to not have Dad do anything for the day. You can drive, cook, clean, and so on to give Dad a break.

If you speak Dad’s love language this Father’s Day, he will really feel appreciated and understood.

You can go to Gary Chapman’s website and take the test to determine your love language, and to learn more about love languages.

What are you giving your dad for father’s day??

Are You Ready To Be A Father?

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“How wonderful a thing is a child. How beautiful is a newborn babe. There is no greater miracle than the creation of life” (Gordon B. Hinckley, “What Are People Asking about Us?,” Ensign, Nov. 1998)

So you are going to be a father. Are you ready?

There are some indicators that you should be aware of. First off, let’s dispel the common misconception that marital satisfaction declines heavily after a child. On average a decline does happen, but the decline is usually small. There is also the potential for marital satisfaction to remain the same or increase.

Studies have shown that there are certain indicators that will help a marriage thrive during the transition to parenthood. Belsky and Kelly (1994) called them the six transition domains:

• Self – the couple’s ability to merge their individual selves into a large ‘Us’
• Gender Ideology – the meeting of the couples expected and predetermined gender roles
• Emotionality – whether the couple is vulnerable to stress
• Expectations – is the baby affecting their marriage in the way the couple expected?
• Communication – can the couple keep talking like they did before the baby
• Conflict Management – can the couple handle stress in a healthy way

Belsky and Kelly also said that the feelings of love towards a spouse played a role as well in the transition to parenthood.

The one typical cause of dispute after the arrival of a child is the division of household labor. Usually men will do what they know how to do best, and that is work more paid hours to provide for the family. Women, typically are satisfied when the man meets her expectations. However, if the man is contributing less than desired, she will generally be dissatisfied and may feel that the division is unfair. So, if you and your wife are disputing over who should do the dishes, why don’t you help her out and do the dishes, no matter how hard your day at work was. In reality, you should be willing to talk about your expectations together. Taking the time to talk about such conflicts, understand one another, and adjust your various workloads can work wonders.

Men sometimes feel jealous that they do not form that same kind of “instant-bond” that women get when the baby arrives. Fathers, understand that your wife has been carrying around that baby for nine months, feeling it grow, stretch, and kick against her. She has been getting attached to the baby for those nine months. The moment that baby is born, your pregnancy begins. You now get to hold, carry, touch and nurture your child so that you can start forming that bond.

Most of all, know that you are not alone in your adventure into fatherhood. There are plenty of resources, such as fathering, parenting, or prenatal classes. It can help to sign up for a class to to better prepare yourself. There are also other people who have been where you are who can help you. You just need to ask.

What are some things that you wish you had known before having a baby? What are some things you wish your spouse had known before having a baby?