Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Bullying, Your Daughter & Her Trust

There was a study done recently in the UK by Relate for Parents. It revealed that 17% percent of the time children go to their father for advice about bullying, compared to 59% to mom. To top it off, 74% of the children surveyed said they viewed mom as the role model, while only 58% viewed their dad as a role model.

Typically it is easier for a dad to talk to his son, or relate to his son. Men usually do physical activities together, like fishing and other sports. However, in general women like to do things emotionally together, such as talking and shopping. It is more difficult for dad to break this barrier of talking about bullying with his daughter, than it is with his son.

Here are some ways for you to have more success in developing a relationship of trust with your daughter, so that she will feel more comfortable going to you for advice.

(1) Listen to your daughter. Give her 100% of your attention when she is talking to you. Put your iPhone, Blackberry, and newspaper down, and turn off the TV or computer. Your daughter knows whether or not you are listening. If the topic is important to her, but you treat it lightly, and are distracted, chances are she won’t come back.

(2) Keep promises. If you say you will do something, do it! Daughters remember broken promises more than promises kept. So if you can’t keep the promise, don’t make it in the first place. This will help prevent a lot of hurt, heartache, and sorrow.

(3) Spend quantity time with your daughter. Quality time is important, but the quantity is just as important to your daughter. She will remember more of the little things that you did day-to-day together, than the big fancy 10-day trip to Disneyland. Make sure you invest time in her.

(4) Know where to look for answers when you don’t have the answers. It is okay to say to your daughter “I don’t know,” especially when you add the phrase, “but I will find out for you.” Know the people in your circle that you can talk to. Know web sources (like this one) that you can turn to.

(5) Make sure you let her know that you love her. Like that country song, ‘I loved her first’. You probably know how to say “I love you” in a way that you would like to receive it, but your daughter is different. She may respond differently to signals of “I love you”. She may want you to say it, she may want you to do something for her to show that you care, or she may just want a hug. Either way, you need to figure out the best way to say, “I love you” to your daughter.

Doing these things will help you gain the trust of your daughter. This will help her come to you for advice, and you can shine as a father!

No comments:

Post a Comment